A word on coffee.
I admit I’m a bit of a diva when it comes to my coffee. As in, if I had no shame (which luckily for your friendly neighborhood barista, I do) - I would order a single-shot organic espresso with an amount of oat milk bordering between a macchiato and a cappuccino with just a dollop of honey and maybe a wee bit of cocoa powder or, if I’m feeling extra spicy, a dusting of cinnamon. And if you don’t know what any or all of these ingredients and drink types are, consider yourself lucky. Or of the earth. Or, I don’t know, a normal person. But basically, I’m always in search of a goldilox drink that barely exists. So yes, as T-Swift says, when it comes to coffee ordering - *It’s me, hi, I’m the problem it’s me.*
But can we also just agree that these various countries we’re visiting don’t make it any easier!? Because nobody can agree on the name for the same drink! The closest thing to what I want in the US is a cortado. Which I thought was an italian word but, when spoken in Italy, elicits blank stares and apparently what I want is a machiatooone (extra o’s added for emphasis and to approximate accent). Just when I got that down-pat, though, we got back to Portugal where I learned that if you ask for a machiatoooone they’ll ask you what in the h*ll you’re talking about, and maybe tell you to stop putting on that horrible Italian accent with all the extra ‘o’s (and you would agree with them; why are you doing that?). All that to say you’re better off ordering a cortado if it’s a fancy place or an espresso with milk if it’s not. So I figured that out but then came Spain, which insists I instead want a “cafe con leche” but you have to add the words “chicco” at the end otherwise what you get is a massive thing of milk with maybe some coffee floating around in there (ok basically a large latte).
A server recently pulled up a chart for me on his phone showing like 12 different iterations of coffee + milk quantities all with unique names, which means maybe I’m not the only *particular* one around here. All that to say, welcome to my first world problems. But also, you’re welcome for equipping you, dear reader, for your next coffee order in Southern Europe. You’re going to need that google coffee chart handy.